More on TheStruggle....

I want to admit that I'm struggling with losing weight. I started a different blog to help me journal my trials and triumphs even if no one else read it. That didn't work.

Before that I had tried Atkins, South Beach, pills, drinks, supplements, vitamins, Curves, this gym, that gym, and recently even selling the juice I was drinkin'...but nothing has worked for me. I just can't seem to do it.

I thought about surgery, but I don't have insurance or the extra money for it. I thought if I could just do that, it would get me to a point where the stuff I've been doing will get me the rest of the way. This discourages me since there is no way I can do it. So I just quit all together.

Don't get me wrong, I pick myself up, dust off, and get back on the proverbial horse that is my weight loss goal. I walk on my treadmill for two hours a night while I catch up on my shows or read a book. I eat better than I did the day before (most days). I've tried numerous cardio videos, groups, and private sessions...still nothing.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again...I miss my workout buddy. This girl was a great motivator and supporter. I miss the camaraderie we had about working out. If I was down she'd pick me up and vice-versa. The days I was ready to run the track would be the days she wanted a package of ramen noodles and a coke. We balanced each other out for the most part and I miss that. I miss having encouragement that is genuine. I wish I could be my own cheerleader, but I just can't.

I know I can do anything I put my mind to, but right now I feel like such a failure. I've been trying for 5 years to lose weight and every year I feel like I gain more. I'm not giving up on myself yet, I will take this blog, read it over and over again to know that I need to learn to be my own cheerleader some days. I will get back on the treadmill, I will eat my chicken and veggies for lunch this week instead of going out with co-workers to get fast food. I will continue to do the best I can muster each day.